1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,271
Most people who eat Komodo dragons
2
00:00:04,273 --> 00:00:06,173
throw away the testicles.
3
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,351
I guess those people hate electrolytes.
4
00:00:09,992 --> 00:00:11,592
[crunch]
5
00:00:14,895 --> 00:00:18,151
Aaron Wolf, seriously?
The guy's such a fake.
6
00:00:18,176 --> 00:00:19,448
Sure, he's a bit over the top,
7
00:00:19,473 --> 00:00:21,540
but Aaron Wolf's a legit badass.
8
00:00:21,565 --> 00:00:23,365
Yeah, last week he slept inside
9
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:24,900
an elephant's uterus.
10
00:00:24,902 --> 00:00:27,746
Ooh, what I wouldn't
give to be that elephant.
11
00:00:28,205 --> 00:00:30,405
I hate Aaron Wolf.
12
00:00:30,407 --> 00:00:32,251
These fake survival shows are ruining it
13
00:00:32,276 --> 00:00:34,076
for hardcore adventurers like us.
14
00:00:35,278 --> 00:00:38,313
You won't find testes like
these in your mama's pantry.
15
00:00:38,315 --> 00:00:40,240
Unless, of course, she's a member of
16
00:00:40,265 --> 00:00:42,787
the Aaron Wolf Extreme
Meat of the Month Club.
17
00:00:43,053 --> 00:00:45,253
Oh, this guy is such an embarrassment.
18
00:00:45,255 --> 00:00:48,824
I guarantee I could stuff way
more testicles in my mouth.
19
00:00:50,529 --> 00:00:51,980
Didn't you used to work with Aaron?
20
00:00:52,005 --> 00:00:54,196
Yeah, we started here at
Outdoor Limits together.
21
00:00:54,198 --> 00:00:56,264
In fact, I was one of the
first people in the world
22
00:00:56,266 --> 00:00:57,432
to not respect his work.
23
00:00:58,552 --> 00:01:00,324
Sounds like you're
just jealous he got out
24
00:01:00,349 --> 00:01:02,404
while you're still working
here in your late 50s.
25
00:01:02,755 --> 00:01:04,072
How old do you think I am?
26
00:01:04,074 --> 00:01:05,574
Aw, he's already going deaf.
27
00:01:05,576 --> 00:01:08,043
[loudly]: I said late 50s.
28
00:01:08,045 --> 00:01:09,811
Shut up, shut up. His
shirt's coming off.
29
00:01:09,813 --> 00:01:11,713
Eh, looks like I dribbled a little bit
30
00:01:11,715 --> 00:01:14,149
of dragon seed on my shirt.
31
00:01:14,903 --> 00:01:16,785
I guess I'll have to
forage for a new one
32
00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:17,911
over at my Web site...
33
00:01:17,936 --> 00:01:23,098
"WheresWolfTV.biz/store/apparel/tops"
34
00:01:23,693 --> 00:01:25,193
[baying like a wolf]
35
00:01:25,864 --> 00:01:28,930
Oh, this guy uses any
excuse to take off his shirt.
36
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,967
Not true, he always has a legit reason.
37
00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:34,870
ANNOUNCER: Next time on Where's Wolf?...
38
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:38,583
I'm sure K-pop superstar
Tae-Twon Park would agree...
39
00:01:40,270 --> 00:01:42,377
...that's some fresh salmon.
40
00:01:42,379 --> 00:01:43,979
[both howling]
41
00:01:44,846 --> 00:01:46,653
Jack, we're watching it.
42
00:01:46,678 --> 00:01:48,160
I don't know who I'm
more disappointed in,
43
00:01:48,185 --> 00:01:50,352
you guys or Tae-Twon Park.
44
00:01:50,354 --> 00:01:52,106
Jack, I'm sorry to butt in.
45
00:01:52,131 --> 00:01:53,667
You couldn't come to
my office, could you?
46
00:01:53,692 --> 00:01:57,225
I seem to have misplaced
a rare South-Asian gem.
47
00:01:57,227 --> 00:02:01,663
A sapphire... possibly from Bombay.
48
00:02:03,497 --> 00:02:07,235
Ah, gin, how quickly
you turn a mother's hug
49
00:02:07,237 --> 00:02:08,870
into a vicious slap.
50
00:02:08,872 --> 00:02:10,872
It's like some evil scientist said,
51
00:02:10,874 --> 00:02:14,676
"I'll invent a liquid to
ruin every Thanksgiving."
52
00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:17,079
Now, Jack,
53
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:20,148
you know I value your opinion
54
00:02:20,150 --> 00:02:21,683
above anyone else's.
55
00:02:21,685 --> 00:02:23,318
Now, I'm considering
56
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,050
asking Aaron Wolf to come in
57
00:02:26,075 --> 00:02:27,522
and guest-edit the magazine for a week.
58
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:28,735
What do you think?
59
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:30,258
Terrible idea. Hard pass.
60
00:02:30,260 --> 00:02:34,629
Ah, yes. Mm. Awkward.
61
00:02:34,631 --> 00:02:35,907
You see, heh,
62
00:02:35,932 --> 00:02:37,446
I wanted you to feel important,
63
00:02:37,471 --> 00:02:39,871
so I only pretended to seek your input.
64
00:02:39,873 --> 00:02:41,340
Aaron Wolf is coming
65
00:02:41,342 --> 00:02:43,308
to guest-edit the magazine this week.
66
00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:44,776
No, you can't do that.
67
00:02:44,778 --> 00:02:47,579
I finally have the kids writing
the best stories of their lives.
68
00:02:47,581 --> 00:02:49,481
One week with Aaron, and they'll be back
69
00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:53,151
to churning out articles like
"Bears Ain't That Bad, Yo."
70
00:02:53,153 --> 00:02:55,687
It's true, though, isn't it? They ain't.
71
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:59,057
Oh, come on, you two used to be friends.
72
00:02:59,059 --> 00:03:01,126
You teamed up on some
of our best pieces,
73
00:03:01,128 --> 00:03:04,329
and, if I recall, one of
our hottest copywriters.
74
00:03:04,331 --> 00:03:05,864
Well, that was before he sold out.
75
00:03:05,866 --> 00:03:07,199
He doesn't care about the outdoors.
76
00:03:07,201 --> 00:03:08,233
All he cares about is
77
00:03:08,235 --> 00:03:10,010
his Aaron Wolf brand.
78
00:03:10,035 --> 00:03:12,104
You taught me this magazine is about
79
00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:15,774
integrity and substance,
and day-drinking.
80
00:03:15,776 --> 00:03:17,676
That's why it's your responsibility
81
00:03:17,678 --> 00:03:18,977
to make sure that Aaron upholds
82
00:03:18,979 --> 00:03:20,679
the standards of the magazine.
83
00:03:20,681 --> 00:03:23,281
But I respect you, Jack,
and if you really are
84
00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:25,050
against this idea, I'll call it off.
85
00:03:25,052 --> 00:03:26,051
Great, call it off.
86
00:03:26,053 --> 00:03:29,588
[howling in next room]
87
00:03:29,590 --> 00:03:31,223
He's already here, isn't he?
88
00:03:31,225 --> 00:03:34,159
Why can't you just
agree and feel important?
89
00:03:35,096 --> 00:03:36,194
You know, Brooke, I remember
90
00:03:36,196 --> 00:03:37,662
when you were just an intern here.
91
00:03:37,664 --> 00:03:38,760
But I've got to say,
92
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,365
you have blossomed into
93
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:42,801
one righteous slam piece.
94
00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:45,504
Me? I don't know about "slam piece."
95
00:03:45,506 --> 00:03:47,572
[gasps]: Oh!
96
00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:49,007
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
97
00:03:49,009 --> 00:03:50,342
No paper towels, amigo.
98
00:03:50,344 --> 00:03:52,430
We've got to take care
of this righteous chica
99
00:03:52,455 --> 00:03:53,945
we call Mother Earth.
100
00:03:54,572 --> 00:03:55,869
Allow me.
101
00:04:01,498 --> 00:04:02,498
[eagle screeches]
102
00:04:02,523 --> 00:04:03,989
?
103
00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:07,201
? Synced and corrected by javiernv ?
? www.addic7ed.com ?
104
00:04:07,226 --> 00:04:09,694
[phone ringing]
105
00:04:14,034 --> 00:04:15,234
And that was when I realized,
106
00:04:15,236 --> 00:04:16,922
I didn't have to outrun the bear,
107
00:04:16,947 --> 00:04:20,506
I just had to outrun
celebrity chef Mario Batali.
108
00:04:20,508 --> 00:04:22,575
[laughter]
109
00:04:22,577 --> 00:04:24,210
Ugh, this guy hasn't changed a bit.
110
00:04:24,456 --> 00:04:25,829
Yeah, he's such a poser.
111
00:04:25,854 --> 00:04:28,149
I hope he dies in a fiery boat accident.
112
00:04:28,174 --> 00:04:29,893
Whoa, dude.
113
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:32,062
Look, the guy's a clown,
but he has a daughter.
114
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:34,097
I hope he gets a back rub that's so good
115
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,533
it only leaves him wanting more.
116
00:04:36,799 --> 00:04:38,001
That's not far enough.
117
00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:39,236
I hope he gets his on the head
118
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:41,304
and forgets the names
of everyone he loves?
119
00:04:41,306 --> 00:04:42,973
There you go.
120
00:04:43,197 --> 00:04:45,133
Ugh, I couldn't live with myself
121
00:04:45,158 --> 00:04:46,476
if I was that much of a phony.
122
00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:47,674
Hey, buddy.
123
00:04:49,096 --> 00:04:49,913
Jack Gordon.
124
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,982
- Aaron Lipniky.
- Yeah.
125
00:04:51,984 --> 00:04:53,450
Jack knows me by my birth name,
126
00:04:53,452 --> 00:04:56,419
before I was renamed
by the Choctaw Nation.
127
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,278
Yeah, we all had fun
at that casino opening.
128
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,159
Hey, there's that grip that
free-climbed El Capitan.
129
00:05:03,161 --> 00:05:04,628
And there's that hand
that once got stuck
130
00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:06,496
inside a water buffalo.
131
00:05:06,498 --> 00:05:10,747
Ooh, that is one lucky water buffalo.
132
00:05:10,772 --> 00:05:12,035
Man, it's great to be here.
133
00:05:12,037 --> 00:05:13,670
This place made me who I am.
134
00:05:13,672 --> 00:05:15,639
[snickers]: What floor
are we manufacturing
135
00:05:15,641 --> 00:05:17,374
douche nozzles on?
136
00:05:17,645 --> 00:05:18,777
I'm sorry, what?
137
00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:20,503
- I said what floor do we...
- Clark, Clark...
138
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,020
Your reflux, your reflux.
139
00:05:22,045 --> 00:05:24,013
Look, as managing
editor, I should probably
140
00:05:24,038 --> 00:05:25,879
walk you through some of the ideas
141
00:05:25,881 --> 00:05:26,980
- that we're working on.
- Great.
142
00:05:26,982 --> 00:05:27,856
First things first.
143
00:05:27,865 --> 00:05:29,543
Let's all do this at Eddie's, all right?
144
00:05:29,568 --> 00:05:31,101
My publicist scored a same-day rez.
145
00:05:31,103 --> 00:05:32,235
Howl if you're with me.
146
00:05:32,557 --> 00:05:34,257
[howling]
147
00:05:37,247 --> 00:05:39,081
He's already got Emma and Mason howling.
148
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,477
That's what I was worried about.
149
00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:42,812
You say the word, I will
bring back his trachea.
150
00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:46,084
You've really got to
work on your levels.
151
00:05:48,943 --> 00:05:50,210
EDDIE: Buddy, welcome back.
152
00:05:50,212 --> 00:05:51,794
Congrats on your show.
153
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,820
The way you roasted termite
larvae with the Massai warriors
154
00:05:54,845 --> 00:05:57,379
inspired me to rethink my whole menu.
155
00:05:58,747 --> 00:06:02,449
Asante-sana, Eddie.
And thanks for squeezing us in.
156
00:06:02,451 --> 00:06:05,242
So let me tell you guys
how badass your boss is.
157
00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:07,294
Tell 'em about the
time the two of you went
158
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,904
glacier trekking in the Himalayas.
159
00:06:08,889 --> 00:06:10,823
Yeah, good idea.
They've heard it before,
160
00:06:10,825 --> 00:06:12,491
but not from the actual guy
161
00:06:12,493 --> 00:06:15,094
that got stuck in the ice crevasse.
162
00:06:15,096 --> 00:06:17,129
I used to be clinically obese.
163
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:21,300
So ten years ago, a TV producer came in
164
00:06:21,302 --> 00:06:22,968
and asked Jack if he wanted to host
165
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:24,270
his own adventure show.
166
00:06:24,272 --> 00:06:26,557
Well, when Mr. Integrity
here turned it down,
167
00:06:26,582 --> 00:06:28,507
guess who they offered it to next?
168
00:06:28,509 --> 00:06:30,709
That's right, Seth Green.
169
00:06:31,544 --> 00:06:32,978
And then when he turned it down,
170
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,113
that's when they asked me to do it.
171
00:06:34,115 --> 00:06:35,914
And, trust me, I have no problem
172
00:06:35,916 --> 00:06:37,683
feasting on Jack's sloppy seconds.
173
00:06:37,685 --> 00:06:40,673
Oh, my.
174
00:06:40,735 --> 00:06:42,855
Guys, obviously, Jack
made the right choice.
175
00:06:42,857 --> 00:06:44,356
He's making a real
difference in the world.
176
00:06:44,358 --> 00:06:46,725
So what if he's sleeping
in the second-best bedroom
177
00:06:46,727 --> 00:06:48,427
above a filthy bar with his roommate
178
00:06:48,429 --> 00:06:50,729
who's constantly heating canned tuna?
179
00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:53,799
Well, now I regret my life.
180
00:06:53,801 --> 00:06:55,801
Aaron, look, I'm sure you're late
181
00:06:55,803 --> 00:06:57,703
for some celebrity
appearance at a boat show...
182
00:06:57,705 --> 00:07:00,376
Oh, crap, you're right.
183
00:07:01,442 --> 00:07:02,941
So why don't we fill you in on some
184
00:07:02,943 --> 00:07:04,476
of the pieces we're
working on this week?
185
00:07:04,478 --> 00:07:05,944
Okay, all right, so what we want are
186
00:07:05,946 --> 00:07:07,379
some hot, sexy ideas
187
00:07:07,381 --> 00:07:09,014
that our sponsors can really get behind.
188
00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:11,116
Okay, howl at me.
189
00:07:11,141 --> 00:07:13,052
Okay, well, there's a caribou migration
190
00:07:13,054 --> 00:07:14,653
in the Yukon... it's
supposed to be epic.
191
00:07:14,655 --> 00:07:16,588
Good one, Mason. Maybe
a conservationist angle.
192
00:07:16,590 --> 00:07:18,424
Shh, shh-shh. Uh, all right,
193
00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:20,292
let me see if I can get into this.
194
00:07:20,294 --> 00:07:22,227
[softly]: Hey, how you doing?
195
00:07:22,229 --> 00:07:23,529
[smooches]
196
00:07:23,531 --> 00:07:26,332
Mm, no, I don't want to
have sex with that idea.
197
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:27,899
I'm sorry.
198
00:07:28,402 --> 00:07:29,702
Who's next?
199
00:07:29,704 --> 00:07:31,312
Uh, there's a fisherman in Brazil
200
00:07:31,337 --> 00:07:33,082
who survived 30 days lost in the Amazon.
201
00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:35,974
Okay, okay, hold on.
202
00:07:35,976 --> 00:07:37,676
[softly]: Hey, again.
203
00:07:37,678 --> 00:07:40,179
[chuckles, smooches]
204
00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:43,749
You know what, soft as a hacky sack.
205
00:07:43,751 --> 00:07:46,352
Okay, Aaron, these are good ideas
206
00:07:46,354 --> 00:07:48,153
that you are having air sex with.
207
00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:50,374
I have worked hard to get these kids
208
00:07:50,399 --> 00:07:52,591
to write articles with real substance.
209
00:07:52,593 --> 00:07:55,260
Oh, man, that's why
you're always gonna be
210
00:07:55,262 --> 00:07:56,362
a better writer than me, you know?
211
00:07:56,364 --> 00:07:58,297
Okay, look, so tomorrow,
212
00:07:58,299 --> 00:08:00,562
we're all gonna reconvene
on Mason's Yukon idea, okay?
213
00:08:00,587 --> 00:08:03,102
And I promise that I'm
personally gonna turn it into
214
00:08:03,104 --> 00:08:05,304
a respectable, sophisticated idea
215
00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:08,130
that we all want to bend over a car.
216
00:08:12,057 --> 00:08:13,390
[elevator bell chimes]
217
00:08:13,447 --> 00:08:15,114
Hey, Esther, how you doing?
218
00:08:15,116 --> 00:08:17,082
I had that dream again where
I'm a weird receptionist
219
00:08:17,084 --> 00:08:18,250
at an outdoor magazine.
220
00:08:18,252 --> 00:08:20,018
And then what happened?
221
00:08:23,619 --> 00:08:25,020
Oh, thank God you're here.
222
00:08:25,045 --> 00:08:27,312
Look what this greasy Disney
villain did to our Web site.
223
00:08:27,495 --> 00:08:29,395
[wolf howls]
224
00:08:31,331 --> 00:08:34,040
Oh, it looks like a
Hong Kong street corner.
225
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,869
I read you loud and clear, guys.
226
00:08:36,871 --> 00:08:38,670
That's why I sent Emma and Mason
227
00:08:38,672 --> 00:08:41,940
up to the Yukon to report
on that caribou story.
228
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:43,876
- Wow. Really?
- MASON [on screen]: We're here
229
00:08:43,878 --> 00:08:45,644
in the actual Yukon.
230
00:08:46,008 --> 00:08:47,360
EMMA: Which would be freezing
231
00:08:47,385 --> 00:08:49,000
if I wasn't wearing these Aaron Wolf
232
00:08:49,025 --> 00:08:51,292
all-weather yoga pants.
233
00:08:54,649 --> 00:08:56,355
That's a green screen.
234
00:08:56,357 --> 00:08:58,357
Or there are two Esthers in the world.
235
00:08:58,359 --> 00:09:00,664
Either way, it's a waking nightmare.
236
00:09:02,297 --> 00:09:03,796
Aaron is a disaster.
237
00:09:03,798 --> 00:09:05,523
First, he paid for everyone's lunch,
238
00:09:05,548 --> 00:09:07,383
which sets a terrible precedent.
239
00:09:07,408 --> 00:09:10,000
And now he's infecting
everyone with his low standards.
240
00:09:10,025 --> 00:09:12,192
[laughs] Oh, this is like old times...
241
00:09:12,629 --> 00:09:15,157
Jack complaining about Aaron.
242
00:09:15,182 --> 00:09:16,968
Do you remember that time you stormed in
243
00:09:16,993 --> 00:09:19,321
because he wanted to add a
centerfold to the magazine?
244
00:09:19,321 --> 00:09:21,031
I don't even know where
he found that photo,
245
00:09:21,033 --> 00:09:23,985
but an Amelia Earhart
nip-slip was in poor taste.
246
00:09:24,423 --> 00:09:26,999
Well, Jack, if you're
worried about Aaron
247
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:30,593
leading these kids astray,
then you need to remind them
248
00:09:30,618 --> 00:09:32,084
what the magazine stands for.
249
00:09:32,109 --> 00:09:33,585
How am I supposed to do that?
250
00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:36,255
Well, are you familiar with the legend
251
00:09:36,257 --> 00:09:38,791
of how the British dealt
with the cobra problem
252
00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:40,092
in colonial India?
253
00:09:40,094 --> 00:09:42,461
- No.
- It's fascinating.
254
00:09:42,463 --> 00:09:44,580
And I'm halfway through
this book all about it.
255
00:09:44,605 --> 00:09:48,141
So why don't you sort out your
own problems for a change, hmm?
256
00:09:51,084 --> 00:09:54,050
Hey, Jack in the Box! Arr, arr, arr.
257
00:09:55,102 --> 00:09:56,313
So the green screen is free
258
00:09:56,338 --> 00:09:57,910
for you to do your
"Wolf It Down" segment
259
00:09:57,912 --> 00:09:59,745
on how to find food in the forest.
260
00:09:59,747 --> 00:10:02,815
- Sponsored by...
- Jack in the Box!
261
00:10:02,817 --> 00:10:05,751
Guys, we are not about faking stuff.
262
00:10:05,753 --> 00:10:08,554
It's called Outdoor Limits
because we actually inspire
263
00:10:08,556 --> 00:10:10,122
people to go outside.
264
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:13,258
And Outside Magazine was already taken.
265
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:15,694
Look, hey, guys, if you
want maximum eyeballs,
266
00:10:15,696 --> 00:10:18,063
- sometimes we fake things.
- Not here.
267
00:10:18,394 --> 00:10:20,330
Look, I'll do your survival segment,
268
00:10:20,355 --> 00:10:22,534
but our way... No faking,
269
00:10:22,536 --> 00:10:24,703
no gimmicks, because the real outdoors
270
00:10:24,705 --> 00:10:27,755
is more inspirational than
anything shot on a green screen.
271
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,475
Except for Space
Jam, hands down the best
272
00:10:29,477 --> 00:10:31,880
basketball cartoon movie of all time.
273
00:10:32,346 --> 00:10:35,914
Hmm. Man. I really love your passion.
274
00:10:36,348 --> 00:10:37,950
Reminds me of a story.
275
00:10:37,952 --> 00:10:40,152
The year was 2007.
276
00:10:40,154 --> 00:10:42,955
Rob... Schneider... and I, were hiking.
277
00:10:42,957 --> 00:10:45,294
We were halfway up Mount...
278
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:51,331
What up, Internet? I'm streaming
live from the Penokee mountains
279
00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:53,328
with legendary outdoor reporter...
280
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:55,794
And my work wife... Jack Gordon.
281
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,714
As you can see, it's taking a while
282
00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:58,938
because of these wet conditions,
283
00:10:58,940 --> 00:11:02,008
but we have seen some
amazing wildlife out here.
284
00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:04,210
Like a brown squirrel, a grey squirrel
285
00:11:04,544 --> 00:11:06,980
and a third squirrel who was
moving too fast for me to tell
286
00:11:06,982 --> 00:11:09,270
exactly what color it was.
287
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:12,192
Wow, wow, wow! That is intense!
288
00:11:12,217 --> 00:11:16,137
Ho, ho! I got to hit pause
before my phone explodes!
289
00:11:16,162 --> 00:11:17,795
Bee-oop!
290
00:11:18,372 --> 00:11:19,959
Hey, Jack.
291
00:11:20,286 --> 00:11:23,630
We all know Aaron's a
basic B, bordering a C,
292
00:11:23,632 --> 00:11:26,419
but, uh, when he does his
"Wolf It Down" segments,
293
00:11:26,444 --> 00:11:27,776
there's a little more action.
294
00:11:27,969 --> 00:11:30,603
More action? You crazy?
295
00:11:30,605 --> 00:11:32,405
This is primal.
296
00:11:32,407 --> 00:11:35,108
Man versus wet stick.
297
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:37,477
Listen, I could watch you rub
your wet stick all night long.
298
00:11:37,848 --> 00:11:40,887
Wow. I don't even hear those anymore.
299
00:11:41,519 --> 00:11:44,027
But it's just that we promised
our viewers a bug feast,
300
00:11:44,052 --> 00:11:47,053
and after four hours, the only
people still watching are...
301
00:11:47,055 --> 00:11:48,888
my mom and some guy from Texas
302
00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:50,990
who keeps demanding
to see our bare feet.
303
00:11:50,992 --> 00:11:52,859
Look, it's the authenticity
304
00:11:52,861 --> 00:11:55,061
that's gonna make people
excited about all this.
305
00:11:55,063 --> 00:11:58,398
Cool, cool. Cool, cool.
306
00:11:58,648 --> 00:12:00,214
You want to maybe take your shirt off?
307
00:12:00,239 --> 00:12:01,106
No!
308
00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:03,237
No. If you don't want
to wait for the fire,
309
00:12:03,262 --> 00:12:04,658
then just eat the bugs raw.
310
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:06,183
[exhales]
311
00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:11,444
What up, Mom and GimmeDemFeet72?
312
00:12:11,446 --> 00:12:14,447
Watch out, because C-dawg's
gonna get to the bottom of...
313
00:12:14,449 --> 00:12:15,793
this.
314
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,263
Oh, boy...
315
00:12:20,288 --> 00:12:23,523
[groaning]
316
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:24,757
[crunches]
317
00:12:24,759 --> 00:12:27,660
[muffled]: Oh! Oh,
there's so much movement.
318
00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:30,263
It's like putting a
subway station in my mouth.
319
00:12:30,265 --> 00:12:34,434
That's how you make a
real fire in the wild.
320
00:12:34,436 --> 00:12:35,744
Gradually.
321
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,824
[retching]
322
00:12:42,476 --> 00:12:44,711
Hey, Wolf Cubs, how's the QandA coming?
323
00:12:44,713 --> 00:12:46,446
Mason? Why no-typey?
324
00:12:46,448 --> 00:12:48,214
These fifth graders
in Canada want to know
325
00:12:48,216 --> 00:12:50,950
how I'm liking the Yukon,
but I'm obviously not there.
326
00:12:51,297 --> 00:12:52,797
Can't lie to a bunch of kids.
327
00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:54,654
Mason, Mason, Mason.
328
00:12:54,656 --> 00:12:58,458
Kids are the easiest ones to lie to.
329
00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:00,460
And in public school?
330
00:13:00,892 --> 00:13:03,092
In Canada?
331
00:13:05,859 --> 00:13:08,455
It's just that we can't
get Jack's stupid voice
332
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,797
out of our heads: "Write with purpose,"
333
00:13:10,822 --> 00:13:11,704
"Beyonc�'s not a source."
334
00:13:11,706 --> 00:13:13,172
It's so annoying.
335
00:13:13,174 --> 00:13:15,766
I definitely know that
voice: "Do your research,"
336
00:13:15,791 --> 00:13:18,144
"You take the mom,
I'll take the daughter."
337
00:13:18,146 --> 00:13:19,979
Look, I understand what
you guys are saying.
338
00:13:19,981 --> 00:13:21,447
But munch on this.
339
00:13:21,449 --> 00:13:25,118
Your jazzed-up Yukon story
is getting international buzz.
340
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,953
The guy rubbing sticks together?
341
00:13:26,955 --> 00:13:28,454
Two followers.
342
00:13:28,456 --> 00:13:31,190
CLARK [wheezing]: And we're back, live.
343
00:13:31,807 --> 00:13:33,660
The bug buffet didn't really work out,
344
00:13:33,662 --> 00:13:36,429
so Jack set up a trap to
show us how to catch game.
345
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:38,665
The key to catching
game? Be deadly silent
346
00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:41,103
and don't bring a wheezing asthmatic.
347
00:13:41,903 --> 00:13:43,736
CLARK: Clearly, we're both "hangry."
348
00:13:43,738 --> 00:13:46,973
Luckily, this forest boasts a
cornucopia of delicious fruits.
349
00:13:48,041 --> 00:13:50,743
You didn't eat those little red
berries, did you? They're poisonous.
350
00:13:50,768 --> 00:13:51,400
CLARK: No.
351
00:13:51,425 --> 00:13:52,728
Clark, we got something!
352
00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:54,552
Remember, no matter the size,
353
00:13:54,554 --> 00:13:56,353
even a trapped animal can be dangerous.
354
00:13:56,355 --> 00:13:57,988
CLARK: Oh, look, a rabbit!
355
00:13:57,990 --> 00:13:59,256
JACK: It's not a rabbit.
356
00:13:59,258 --> 00:14:01,425
CLARK: Jack, this isn't my
first time in the forest.
357
00:14:01,427 --> 00:14:02,593
It's my second. So why...
358
00:14:02,595 --> 00:14:04,564
Ow! God!
359
00:14:04,589 --> 00:14:06,455
It's not a rabbit, Jack, it's a pussum.
360
00:14:06,632 --> 00:14:07,932
Do you mean "possum"?
361
00:14:07,957 --> 00:14:09,724
Yeah, exactly. A pussum.
362
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,281
You're pronouncing
it wrong. It's possum.
363
00:14:11,306 --> 00:14:13,135
Oh, that pussum got me good.
364
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,659
Clark, do you think there's a chance
365
00:14:14,684 --> 00:14:15,850
that you're pronouncing it wrong?
366
00:14:15,975 --> 00:14:18,008
Yeah, I mean, sure.
Anything is pussible.
367
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:19,710
Okay, look, this is not staged.
368
00:14:19,712 --> 00:14:21,412
There's no emergency crew standing by.
369
00:14:21,414 --> 00:14:22,260
It's real...
370
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,680
Are you bleeding out of the mouth?
371
00:14:24,705 --> 00:14:27,105
No. I ate the berries.
372
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:29,330
Oh, God.
373
00:14:30,275 --> 00:14:32,423
Okay, I need something to make
a tourniquet for your wound,
374
00:14:32,425 --> 00:14:35,525
so I can focus on figuring
out how to pump your stomach.
375
00:14:39,081 --> 00:14:40,064
Damn it.
376
00:14:40,433 --> 00:14:41,525
Hit record, Mom.
377
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:44,835
[sighs]
378
00:14:51,026 --> 00:14:52,416
What up, work puss-e?
379
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:54,236
He means work posse.
380
00:14:54,448 --> 00:14:56,627
Well, we did it our way,
381
00:14:56,772 --> 00:15:00,283
and while we weren't as
successful as we had hoped...
382
00:15:02,096 --> 00:15:04,010
Any more to that thought, Jack?
383
00:15:04,012 --> 00:15:06,283
You'd think so. But no.
384
00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:09,228
It was pretty bad, wasn't it?
385
00:15:09,253 --> 00:15:13,049
On the contrary, Jack. Aaron
here says he has some news.
386
00:15:13,074 --> 00:15:15,899
Yeah. Uh, my producers saw
your live Internet feed,
387
00:15:15,924 --> 00:15:17,841
and turns out they like
what you did so much
388
00:15:17,866 --> 00:15:19,600
they want to talk potential TV series.
389
00:15:19,795 --> 00:15:22,429
See? Look, I'm not
gonna do a reality show,
390
00:15:22,431 --> 00:15:24,898
but I am happy to prove that
there is still an audience
391
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:28,291
for a real outdoor experience
without any gimmicks.
392
00:15:28,270 --> 00:15:29,969
No matter what Pearl Jam Professor Snape
393
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,137
tried to tell us.
394
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,440
Right. Right.
395
00:15:34,443 --> 00:15:36,576
Let's take a look at the
trailer they put together.
396
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:41,080
NARRATOR: In a world where
adventurers are kings,
397
00:15:41,082 --> 00:15:44,150
the four-eyed man is blind.
398
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,219
This fall, on Nat Geo...
399
00:15:46,221 --> 00:15:47,654
I just got bit by the pussum.
400
00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,923
One question will be asked.
401
00:15:49,925 --> 00:15:53,393
Will he die this week?
402
00:15:53,395 --> 00:15:55,462
Yeah, sure. I mean,
anything is pussible.
403
00:15:55,464 --> 00:15:58,031
NARRATOR: Very pussible!
404
00:15:59,099 --> 00:16:02,502
What kind of a simple-minded
fool would enjoy that?
405
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,038
Oh, my God, that show looks hilarious!
406
00:16:06,037 --> 00:16:06,873
But Clark, you do know
407
00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:08,775
it's pronounced "possum," right?
408
00:16:08,777 --> 00:16:10,477
Exactly. Pussum.
409
00:16:10,479 --> 00:16:12,420
Are you guys pranking me?
410
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:14,623
- Say awesome.
- Awesome.
411
00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:16,966
Now put a "P" in front of it. Pawesome.
412
00:16:17,025 --> 00:16:18,358
Now say "possum."
413
00:16:18,587 --> 00:16:20,253
Pussum.
414
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:24,324
Hey, Jack.
415
00:16:24,779 --> 00:16:25,677
Look.
416
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:28,810
You know I respect the
schnizz out of your principles.
417
00:16:28,835 --> 00:16:30,663
But I'm not gonna let you make
418
00:16:30,665 --> 00:16:32,265
the same mistake you made ten years ago.
419
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:34,767
Look, I'm never gonna do that
show. It's an abomination.
420
00:16:34,769 --> 00:16:37,704
I am just glad that Emma and
Mason weren't here to see this.
421
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,506
Oh, they saw it, and
they went crazy about it.
422
00:16:39,508 --> 00:16:41,074
I've never seen them so fired up.
423
00:16:41,357 --> 00:16:43,476
Well, other than that time I pointed out
424
00:16:43,478 --> 00:16:45,099
what a pay phone looks like,
425
00:16:45,124 --> 00:16:46,998
I have officially taught them nothing.
426
00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:49,749
Yeah. And with your new show,
you can teach millions more
427
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:51,099
the same thing.
428
00:16:53,084 --> 00:16:54,254
So what do you say, Jack?
429
00:16:54,256 --> 00:16:56,823
When are you gonna get it
through that dirty janitor's mop
430
00:16:56,825 --> 00:16:58,793
that Jack Gordon will never sell out?
431
00:16:58,818 --> 00:16:59,659
I'm gonna do the show.
432
00:16:59,661 --> 00:17:02,591
Until right now. Bam,
Jack, what is happening?
433
00:17:03,265 --> 00:17:06,032
If I can't even get Emma and
Mason to like the outdoors,
434
00:17:06,034 --> 00:17:07,467
let alone the rest of the world,
435
00:17:07,469 --> 00:17:09,990
why not just abandon
my ideals and get rich?
436
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:11,325
Bro.
437
00:17:12,340 --> 00:17:14,541
That's my motto.
438
00:17:15,185 --> 00:17:17,176
BROOKE: You're doing the show?
439
00:17:17,178 --> 00:17:18,845
What about authenticity?
440
00:17:18,847 --> 00:17:20,123
Authenticity?
441
00:17:20,148 --> 00:17:21,358
Check out the two reporters
442
00:17:21,383 --> 00:17:23,254
"broadcasting" from the same room
443
00:17:23,279 --> 00:17:25,685
Esther felt me up in
at the Christmas party.
444
00:17:25,687 --> 00:17:28,247
Jack, if I've told you once,
I've told you a hundred times.
445
00:17:28,272 --> 00:17:31,779
I was just trying to touch your penis.
446
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:36,763
Well, at least they've gotten
more convincing at shivering.
447
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:39,032
Jack, I think they might
actually be in the Yukon.
448
00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:40,871
Nah, if they were, they'd be complaining
449
00:17:40,896 --> 00:17:42,101
it's cold as balls.
450
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,470
And it's cold as balls!
451
00:17:44,472 --> 00:17:46,139
MASON: But to answer your question,
452
00:17:46,141 --> 00:17:47,807
we felt really bad
misleading our viewers.
453
00:17:47,809 --> 00:17:49,943
That's not what Outdoor Limits is about.
454
00:17:49,922 --> 00:17:54,224
Right. Our magazine is
about substance, integrity
455
00:17:54,249 --> 00:17:56,182
and day-drinking.
456
00:17:56,863 --> 00:17:57,784
MASON: Three things we've learned
457
00:17:57,809 --> 00:18:01,377
from our deeply committed
maniac of a boss, Jack Gordon.
458
00:18:02,599 --> 00:18:05,073
The caribou are so
beautiful, I can't even.
459
00:18:05,327 --> 00:18:07,827
Yeah. Guys, you have to come up here.
460
00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:09,562
It is so bleak.
461
00:18:09,564 --> 00:18:11,230
We found a frozen corpse
462
00:18:11,232 --> 00:18:14,267
still locked upright in
his cross-country skis.
463
00:18:14,269 --> 00:18:16,336
But when you do come up here,
464
00:18:16,338 --> 00:18:19,722
do not wear these yoga
pants, because they're trash.
465
00:18:19,747 --> 00:18:20,529
Garbage.
466
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:23,152
Need some more of this stuff.
467
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,511
Oh, my God.
468
00:18:25,995 --> 00:18:27,814
I have had an impact on them.
469
00:18:28,636 --> 00:18:30,883
They've learned journalistic integrity.
470
00:18:31,214 --> 00:18:33,019
And as a bonus,
471
00:18:33,021 --> 00:18:34,738
they're miserable.
472
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,357
Aaron, I'm sorry.
473
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:38,725
I can't do the show.
474
00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:40,793
Even though you reach a lot more people,
475
00:18:40,795 --> 00:18:42,872
the work we're doing here is important.
476
00:18:43,816 --> 00:18:44,448
Wow.
477
00:18:45,634 --> 00:18:47,700
I want to get your integrity pregnant.
478
00:18:47,702 --> 00:18:50,069
- Oh, my.
- You are engaged.
479
00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:53,039
Yeah, but I'm not married.
480
00:18:53,041 --> 00:18:54,173
You sure about this?
481
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,975
Yeah, he's sure about it, bro.
482
00:18:55,977 --> 00:18:58,803
You know what, I don't care
if you do have a daughter.
483
00:18:58,828 --> 00:19:00,680
It is clobbering time.
484
00:19:01,078 --> 00:19:03,623
JACK: Aaron, it was
good to see you again.
485
00:19:03,648 --> 00:19:04,584
It was, wasn't it?
486
00:19:04,586 --> 00:19:08,748
You know, I know we have our
differences, but in a way,
487
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,456
it's cool that we found
a path for each of us.
488
00:19:10,557 --> 00:19:11,623
[grunts]
489
00:19:11,648 --> 00:19:13,826
The Choctaw Nation was right about you.
490
00:19:13,828 --> 00:19:15,133
You're okay.
491
00:19:15,158 --> 00:19:16,729
It's time to go to sleep, guy.
492
00:19:16,731 --> 00:19:19,298
The Sandman is here.
493
00:19:20,031 --> 00:19:21,200
Can we make plans?
494
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,640
Oh, absolutely. I'll text you.
495
00:19:23,665 --> 00:19:25,109
Come here.
496
00:19:25,907 --> 00:19:28,374
All right, I'm gonna go
grab an apple for the road.
497
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,343
[straining]
498
00:19:30,345 --> 00:19:32,512
[howls]
499
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,986
I know what you did,
you sly son of a bitch.
500
00:19:39,988 --> 00:19:43,222
What... We were at war.
I-I was following orders.
501
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:46,726
Wait, hang on. What,
what's this in reference to?
502
00:19:47,617 --> 00:19:52,065
Hiding behind your book the
entire time Aaron Wolf was here.
503
00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:55,768
Well, I read your little story
about the cobras in India.
504
00:19:56,617 --> 00:19:58,104
And when the British interfered,
505
00:19:58,106 --> 00:19:59,605
they only made it worse.
506
00:19:59,607 --> 00:20:02,045
And so the lesson was, sometimes,
507
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:05,515
the best way to solve a
problem is to leave it alone.
508
00:20:06,398 --> 00:20:09,672
And that's exactly what
you did, didn't you?
509
00:20:10,656 --> 00:20:14,547
Yes, that s-sounds
exactly like what I did.
510
00:20:14,572 --> 00:20:17,239
Mm. Damn, I'm good.
511
00:20:18,031 --> 00:20:20,545
Yeah. You walk around
here acting all drunk,
512
00:20:20,570 --> 00:20:23,396
but every move is a
part of your master plan.
513
00:20:23,398 --> 00:20:26,039
You're absolutely right, Jack.
514
00:20:26,064 --> 00:20:27,510
Now I want you to go across the street,
515
00:20:27,535 --> 00:20:31,572
get me a mocha Frappuccino
and know, the whole time,
516
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,507
that it's all part of an
important, hidden lesson.
517
00:20:34,509 --> 00:20:35,975
[laughs]
518
00:20:35,977 --> 00:20:38,578
[whispering]: I'm gonna figure it out.
519
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:40,413
[exhales sharply, giggles]
520
00:20:40,463 --> 00:20:45,013
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0